o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...