i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.