ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Randomize
