I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
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Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...