since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."