apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Send us your Text From Last Night!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
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