Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
