Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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