This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."