when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
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