Texts From Last Night

hottamale69's Favorites Texts:

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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.

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  (404): Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat. http://tfl.nu/fqqq
  Replies (4) Good night (1296) Bad night (307) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with

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  (425): My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with http://tfl.nu/lkbr
  Replies (2) Good night (758) Bad night (272) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.

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  (847): I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message. http://tfl.nu/fe15
  Replies (1) Good night (892) Bad night (181) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.

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  (832): He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life. http://tfl.nu/3z94
  Replies (9) Good night (651) Bad night (151)
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  (707): View more from California

  My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?

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  (707): My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day? http://tfl.nu/zsu8
  Replies (7) Good night (250) Bad night (720)
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  (951): View more from California

  I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home

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  (951): I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home http://tfl.nu/0s5f
  Replies (3) Good night (639) Bad night (232) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.

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  (832): I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass. http://tfl.nu/h3v0
  Replies (13) Good night (727) Bad night (152) Order T-Shirt
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".

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  (662): You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,". http://tfl.nu/dg58
  Replies (8) Good night (369) Bad night (572)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  ...

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.

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  (215): I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward. (1-215): ... (215): I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure. http://tfl.nu/h70g
  Replies (5) Good night (752) Bad night (222)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really

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  (231): You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really http://tfl.nu/kw3p
  Replies (6) Good night (1156) Bad night (172) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.

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  (617): My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me. http://tfl.nu/up6q
  Replies (2) Good night (821) Bad night (256) Order T-Shirt
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.

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  (931): Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close. http://tfl.nu/0xt0
  Replies (3) Good night (675) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"

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  (573): Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend" http://tfl.nu/taab
  Replies (3) Good night (314) Bad night (1075) Order T-Shirt
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.

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  (580): I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian. http://tfl.nu/4ukn
  Replies (3) Good night (638) Bad night (131) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..

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  (410): Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies.. http://tfl.nu/ny9r
  Replies (2) Good night (1112) Bad night (198) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.

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  (614): My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep. http://tfl.nu/ua0k
  Replies (12) Good night (2380) Bad night (368)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i came so hard i kicked through my windshield

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  (215): i came so hard i kicked through my windshield http://tfl.nu/sfns
  Replies (8) Good night (2162) Bad night (284) Order T-Shirt
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  (813): View more from Florida

  My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.

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  (813): My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester. http://tfl.nu/4ngv
  Replies (1) Good night (934) Bad night (165)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.

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  (312): Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows. http://tfl.nu/kvi1
  Replies (2) Good night (1569) Bad night (232) Order T-Shirt
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.

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  (705): My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class. http://tfl.nu/olmr
  Replies (16) Good night (1855) Bad night (253)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.

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  (281): I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed. http://tfl.nu/u1zj
  Replies (1) Good night (503) Bad night (286) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have major gossip for you.

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Oh no, did you have sex last night?

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.

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  (570): I have major gossip for you. (1-570): Oh no, did you have sex last night? (570): If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited. http://tfl.nu/1upd
  Replies (8) Good night (1261) Bad night (334)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.

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  (901): This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/m2hu
  Replies (11) Good night (3185) Bad night (355) Order T-Shirt