I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
it's great music for shaving your balls
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.