No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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