he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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