I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.