Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS