margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
it's like heaven, but drunker
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You need Xanax blowdarts
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
