I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
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When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.