I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."