he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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