Texts From Last Night · aleemoe45's Favorites

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.

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(717): Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk. http://tfl.nu/z5dl

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(630): View more from Illinois

i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.

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(630): i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do. http://tfl.nu/s093

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(973): View more from New Jersey

RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO

(908): View more from New Jersey

dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me

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(973): RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO (908) dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me http://tfl.nu/s889

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(706): View more from Georgia

well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.

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(706): well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun. http://tfl.nu/hotb

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(803): View more from South Carolina

some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers

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(803): some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers http://tfl.nu/iyv4

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(864): View more from South Carolina

I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.

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(864): I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you. http://tfl.nu/pv7t

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"

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(215): yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer" http://tfl.nu/i0t9

Replies (33) Good night (7899) Bad night (494)
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(913): View more from Kansas

My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.

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(913): My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism. http://tfl.nu/e4gb

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it

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(412): I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it http://tfl.nu/mg8o

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.

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(920): If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it. http://tfl.nu/6xw0

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.

(339): View more from Massachusetts

No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.

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(508): Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor. (339): No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though. http://tfl.nu/0uyr

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(847): View more from Illinois

i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

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(847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.

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(978): the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase. http://tfl.nu/thr7

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(573): View more from Missouri

Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.

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(573): Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it. http://tfl.nu/veic

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?

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(610): I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke? http://tfl.nu/zzrl

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays

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(267): Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays http://tfl.nu/fevr

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too

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(608): The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too http://tfl.nu/q1xa

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(214): View more from Texas

Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.

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(214): Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it. http://tfl.nu/1ffs

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.

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(780): Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it. http://tfl.nu/82ee

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(734): View more from Michigan

you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.

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(734): you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you. http://tfl.nu/57kx

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.

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(414): czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw. http://tfl.nu/4g8m

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(330): View more from Ohio

The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.

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(330): The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life. http://tfl.nu/qfsl

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(214): View more from Texas

The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.

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(214): The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro. http://tfl.nu/i908

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?

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(780): This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it? http://tfl.nu/t3fk

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(626): View more from California

I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner

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(626): I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner http://tfl.nu/0q4j

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(205): View more from Alabama

Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails

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(205): Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails http://tfl.nu/p7in

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(641): View more from Iowa

is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.

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(641): is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink. http://tfl.nu/upl9

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(319): View more from Iowa

Heyyyy darlin are you busy?

(1-319): View more from Iowa

Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.

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(319): Heyyyy darlin are you busy? (1-319): Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night. http://tfl.nu/pwb0

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