So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
