You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.