I intend to get homeless drunk
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
