We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?