He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...