Texts From Last Night

ClevelandSteemer's Favorites Texts:

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  (818): View more from California

  I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff

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  (818): I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff http://tfl.nu/b3xl
  Replies (83) Good night (11436) Bad night (937) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave

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  (314): i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave http://tfl.nu/l2ny
  Replies (6) Good night (2141) Bad night (554) Order T-Shirt
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  (772): View more from Florida

  No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join

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  (772): No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join http://tfl.nu/0bbm
  Replies (2) Good night (2643) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.

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  (905): Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should. http://tfl.nu/b27t
  Replies (45) Good night (8447) Bad night (2181)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..

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  (704): She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number.. http://tfl.nu/ftuv
  Replies (15) Good night (3899) Bad night (929) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me

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  (617): She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me http://tfl.nu/lf37
  Replies (8) Good night (4114) Bad night (728) Order T-Shirt
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress

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  (302): I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress http://tfl.nu/yb5l
  Replies (16) Good night (5287) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up

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  (304): You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up http://tfl.nu/adeo
  Replies (34) Good night (6864) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.

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  (204): You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head. http://tfl.nu/a92s
  Replies (25) Good night (4319) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade

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  (717): It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade http://tfl.nu/l96w
  Replies (9) Good night (4235) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.

  (443): View more from Maryland

  So glad I found your sister.

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  (240): There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find. (443): So glad I found your sister. http://tfl.nu/p3yp
  Replies (36) Good night (9403) Bad night (948)
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  (916): View more from California

  I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.

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  (916): I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum. http://tfl.nu/f301
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.

  (703): View more from Virginia

  So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...

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  (540): The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress. (703): So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then... http://tfl.nu/ildr
  Replies (9) Good night (3698) Bad night (881)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday

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  (513): apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday http://tfl.nu/t1la
  Replies (4) Good night (2906) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.

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  (207): I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs. http://tfl.nu/5epb
  Replies (10) Good night (3622) Bad night (1416) Order T-Shirt
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.

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  (605): and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month. http://tfl.nu/xuv1
  Replies (4) Good night (772) Bad night (2755) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.

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  (505): I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight. http://tfl.nu/l9kd
  Replies (5) Good night (3759) Bad night (591)
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.

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  (308): Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar. http://tfl.nu/fw94
  Replies (13) Good night (5543) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.

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  (407): I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame. http://tfl.nu/841f
  Replies (5) Good night (3350) Bad night (547) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.

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  (401): My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog. http://tfl.nu/x3j9
  Replies (8) Good night (3183) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.

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  (203): Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one. http://tfl.nu/lrd9
  Replies (6) Good night (3569) Bad night (493) Order T-Shirt
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.

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  (267): Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams. http://tfl.nu/lmv8
  Replies (20) Good night (4237) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro

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  (678): The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro http://tfl.nu/6idu
  Replies (13) Good night (3425) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt