i may or may not be watching the land before time
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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