i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.