Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You ruined the universe
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
