Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."