Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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