We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Stuck it in his pooper.