I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
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how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
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I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal