if you like me you must not know who I am
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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