Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Apple has a Lot to Explain to iPhone X Customers
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.