Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
