Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...