like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
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There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
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He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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