Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
