Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.