theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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