A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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