Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.