Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
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im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
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My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.