How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.