We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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