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I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
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