She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
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I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
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I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?