First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea