i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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