using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
