Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
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Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
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I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.