I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
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Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
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How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.