I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.