I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
