I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
