Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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